kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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