dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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