So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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