i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
