Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
