I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
