she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I will pee on everything he values.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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