I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
