i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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