I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
