Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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