My room smells like vodka and shame
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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