uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
