remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
