all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
