When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
