Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.