if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?