I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.