have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
