if you like me you must not know who I am
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.