i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?