$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
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Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.