It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
