no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
