I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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