I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
