He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize