Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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