im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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