just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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