Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The air was thick with penises
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
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The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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