Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I still have a little drunk in my system
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
