best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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