I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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