He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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