i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
