I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
