You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
