I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you would pick up someone in the library
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
