he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
