She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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