just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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