Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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