So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
