I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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