he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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