I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
