ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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