I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She bit a glass in half.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
