Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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