I'm eating all of the evidence.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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