I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
