I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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