3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
