Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
