Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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