i permit you to call me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
