wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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