I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
