You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
