The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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