I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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