That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
